Sue Montgomery | Updates

Embracing the Golden Season at End of Life

Sue Montgomery — Sun, 29 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

An old trauma nurse, I’m familiar with the urgency instilled into the “Golden Hour“ - the sixty minutes that immediately follow a traumatic injury. When appropriate treatment is provided within this critical time frame, patients usually have better outcomes overall.

Along those same lines, in my years as both a hospice nurse and family caregiver, I’ve seen the significant difference in quality of life individuals often experience during what I refer to as the Golden Season™ at end of life. ...

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The Great Bible Swap

Sue Montgomery — Sun, 22 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

“I have an idea,” I said to my mom. “Let’s swap Bibles. You highlight verses in mine that are important to you, and I’ll do the same in yours.”

Since Mom loved to spend time in the Word, had spent 20 years as a teacher, was always up for an adventure, and knew what I was trying to create, she jumped in with both feet.

I can’t begin to express what it means to be able to read those highlights now. While everything she highlighted in her own Bible is a treasure, those highlights in mine feel like they were specifically meant for me, to help guide me when she would no longer be here to do it herself.

Mom and I both knew she was in her final season, so we especially savored this time together, unsure of how long it would last. That’s why we focused on creating legacy treasures such as these that would remain long after she was gone. ...

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3 Ways Hospice and Palliative Care Are Different

Sue Montgomery — Sat, 14 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I’m both a former hospice nurse and a former family caregiver, so raising awareness about the benefits of hospice and palliative care is a passion of mine — which is why I continue to write and share about these topics in a variety of ways.

When my mom’s health started a steep decline toward the end of her life, hospice wasn’t yet an option for a variety of reasons. Though I was able to provide most of her care, she still needed to see a doctor on a regular basis. With her mobility a growing challenge, we faced limited options since she could no longer ride in the car. This is a common scenario for those with serious illness who are living in the community, where gaps in care options can be a big challenge.

Just as I was starting to wring my hands, a friend and former hospice colleague told me about a new community-based palliative care practice that had opened in our community. I contacted them and the doctor came out within the next few days to admit Mom and care for her needs. This service continued until she was ready for hospice in the last three weeks of her life, at which time a smooth transition between the two services took place.

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What Matters Most?

Sue Montgomery — Tue, 3 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

It’s a question I’ve asked myself a lot throughout my life, especially in light of my years as a hospice nurse.

Of course, the answer is different for everyone and evolves as we move through shifting seasons.

No one can decide what matters most to me except me.

And no one can decide what matters most to you except you.

A powerful tool

Asking and answering this critical question is a powerful tool to help us do all kinds of important things - like set priorities, make decisions, and give ourselves permission to follow our dreams.

Which is why it’s a question that pops up when I’m journaling and spending time in prayer. ...

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Organize the Essentials: Like Advance Care Planning

Sue Montgomery — Fri, 13 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Organize the Essentials.

If that title sounds a little familiar, it’s because that’s the name Mom gave my company many years ago.

It was 2008, and I’d had an itch to start my own business for some time, but didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do.

When I learned that professional organizing was actually a thing, I jumped in with both feet, since organizing stuff is something I love to do.

With visions of the shoeboxes full of medicine bottles in total disarray that I’d encountered over the years in patients’ homes - and the blank look I’d often received when asking someone to tell me their health histories or wishes for care - I decided to focus my work on health information organizing and estate information organizing.

Which is how Mom came up with the name.

Although I don’t provide those services in my business anymore, I’m still passionate about the concepts.

Which is why I’d like to talk about one essential we all should organize: communicating our wishes about what we do and don’t want done when it comes to our healthcare.

Aka, advance care planning.

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Grief in the Receipts: Recognizing the Hidden Triggers of Tax Preparation

Sue Montgomery — Sat, 7 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

If you find yourself unexpectedly weeping during your tax preparation, it may be more than your financial woes.

Something I hadn’t considered when I was struggling after my mom’s death was that her taxes would still need to be filed the following year.

So, just a few months after I’d survived my first Christmas without her, I found myself knee-deep in all the receipts that were often-painful reminders of our journey the year before.

Dates brought back vivid memories of how Mom was doing during a certain period, when her health started to decline, and the limited time she had left - of which I wasn’t always aware.

As I was organizing her paperwork, I’d find myself gazing at a receipt and thinking of specific symptoms she had or how long she lived after a certain date.

That first year was so painful, and my memories so fresh, that the last thing I wanted to do was go through a pile of receipts to remind me of all we’d been through in the last months of Mom’s life.

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Why We Need to Change the Language of Family Caregiving

Sue Montgomery — Sun, 1 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I wrote this post many years ago and want to share it again here. Because my feelings on the topic have only intensified since then.

My plunge into the language of family caregiving began when I spotted a post on Twitter (now X) many years ago.

When caregiving expert Debra Hallisey wrote an article to express her concern about how the “parenting our parents” reference is an all-too-common phrase, I chimed in to agree and add a cringe-worthy phrase of my own: the “burden of family caregiving.”

Similar to what Debra did, I then DuckDuckGo’d (my preferred method of search) “burden of family caregiving” on my phone and received first-page results of six research studies published in academic journals using this burdensome term.

While it’s good that content with such status offers evidence-based descriptions of the need for more support for family caregivers, I worry about the negative connotations it carries with it.

Such dark language suggests to caregivers that the critical support they’re providing for their family members should be defined as something overly difficult to bear, and communicates to those receiving care that they have indeed become what they always feared they would someday be.

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Angels and Butterflies

Sue Montgomery — Fri, 2 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

On May 30th, 2015, I woke up with a single, foreign thought running through my mind: “This is the first day of my life learning to live without my mom.”

Mom had died the night before at 10:50 pm. For the previous few weeks, she had traveled her end-of-life journey in her apartment at one end of our home.

We were so blessed to experience this sacred time in this way. Mom peaceful and comfortable in her own bed and me getting to care for her with the support of my wonderful husband and fabulous family and friends.

As her health gradually failed over time, it’s exactly what she and I had envisioned together. Mom had remained in control of her healthcare decisions and out of the hospital for many years. And as an old hospice nurse, I’d promised her I would always help and support her wishes to do so.

In the last weeks of her life, we continued in the same manner as she made her way Home. She’d been enrolled in a community-based palliative care program for several months and transitioned into hospice in the last three weeks of her life.

At Mom’s side that night, as I watched her breathing begin to change, I held her frail hand within my own and told her it was okay to go.

After all, whether I was ready or not, Mom certainly was.

In fact, at one point within the previous two weeks, she’d looked at me with eager excitement in her eyes and said, “I think I’m getting closer!”

I smiled and assured her she was right; she was indeed approaching the new Life awaiting her, where she would join her Savior and all the loved ones who had gone Home before her.

When angels drop by

One night during this time, I had been in her room taking care of her and went out to the kitchen to get something.

When I returned, she looked at me and said, “Did you see those two men?”

“What two men?” I asked.

As lucid and matter-of-fact as if the neighbor has just dropped by, she said, “There were just two men here. While you gone.”

Since I’d worked with the dying for so many years, I was a firm believer that there is heightened spiritual activity at end-of-life and knew this was real.

“What’d they say?” I asked.

Mom kind of shrugged. “Something about it not being time yet.”

I nodded calmly as the hair stood up on my arms. Then rushed from her room in excitement to go find my husband. “Honey, there are angels in the house!”

On my way back to Mom’s apartment I fell to my knees in gratitude that Jesus was reminding us we weren’t alone during this difficult time and all was proceeding according to plan.

And loved ones stop in

Like many of my hospice patients, Mom also had visions of loved ones who had died before her.

I remember her sharing about seeing her mom and dad, though quite honestly, those last few weeks were such a blur that I don’t recall the specifics. She may have said it was in a dream while asleep or during a time when she was more awake.

While some may believe such visits are hallucinations of some sort, as was suggested by a never-invited-back member of her healthcare team, I instead view them as comforting gifts commonly experienced by the dying.

A glimpse of Heaven

When Mom’s breathing began to change that night, I put my hand over hers and leaned in to whisper what I’d said all along, “I’m right here. I love you. It’s okay to go when you’re ready.”

And in those last seconds of her life here, as I felt her preparing to step across the threshold for Home, I almost felt like I got a glimpse of Heaven by being there with her. As if I was looking over her shoulder, a child peeking with anticipation at what lies ahead.

Her, one foot in Heaven and one foot on Earth, eager to move forward.

Me, excited for her and grieving for me, knowing I was about to lose her as she stepped into Jesus’s arms.

When she took her final breath, I fell to my knees beside her bed, grateful to know she was already enjoying the perfection of her eternal Home.

When butterflies show up

After my dad died in the years before her death, Mom said she was always comforted when she saw yellow butterflies, because they reminded her of Dad and gave her a sense of his presence.

In the same way, although Mom isn’t physically present with me anymore, I take comfort in what her hospice chaplain told us as we were both struggling to imagine a world in which we’d be apart.

He said once she died, she could be more present with me than was possible in the limitations of living on Earth. I don’t know if that’s actually true, but it’s certainly a comforting thought.

Which is why I’m going to hope she doesn’t mind when I say, “Hi, Mom!” to the yellow butterflies that show up just when I need them most.

And when two butterflies are diving through the air and playing together, I greet Mom and Dad both, knowing they’re enjoying Heaven together.

I’m so grateful for the comfort of such powerful gifts.

For the angels and butterflies God sends to remind us that we are not alone.

That my loved ones are happy and secure with Him.

And they’ll be waiting to greet me when it’s my time to come Home.

How about you?

What comforting gifts has God sent while a loved one was dying or in the difficult season since?

Please drop a note and let me know. I’d love to savor and celebrate that with you.

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Packing Up Christmas

Sue Montgomery — Tue, 30 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

With Christmas behind us and New Year’s ahead, many are eager to start packing up the decorations that have been both beautiful and yet thrown off the routine.

In the midst of the trimmings and celebrations has also been the need to attend to the things we normally do, but it can be a challenge to keep up what’s normal in the midst of the holiday mess.

So, those of us who love order - and you know who you are - may be itching to pull out all the bins and boxes which hold the holiday stuff.

While this can sometimes be tedious at best, a good thing about packing up all that bling is the chance to consider whether it’s something you’ll still want to pull out next year.

Re-evaluating holiday traditions

Since getting older brings lots of change, our need for certain traditions may change, too.

A loved one may die.

Friends may move away.

Certain relationships may no longer be the same.

Circumstances may be completely different from one year to the next.

Maintaining familiar traditions can be a wonderful thing when they continue to be a source of joy. But sometimes, they’re painful reminders of the changes that have occurred.

The traditions conundrum is that we don’t always recognize which is which.

Which are still good for us, and of which we should let go.

We may cling to a certain way of celebrating just because it’s familiar, even though it creates sadness, too.

Or we may refuse to embrace something new because we’re afraid that doing so will somehow diminish the riches of the past.

Embracing what works

The good news is we have the power to choose what’s best.

To define what works for us in any given season within the context of all the traditions we cherish.

We don’t have to cling to our traditions in order to honor the loved ones with whom they were shared.

We just have to embrace the current season with the traditions that serve us well now.

So as you’re packing up your stuff, it might be a good time to re-evaluate what to keep and what to release.

Sending precious cargo packing

For me, it was a tattered Nativity set with chipped-paint figurines that I loved to put out each year when I was a kid and the Christmas village my mom and dad had slowly added to over the years.

Both held such wonderful memories for me, but they also did for the younger generations in our family.

Several years ago when I started to put them away, I realized how selfish I was being by hanging onto them.

And that the nostalgia they represented also carried with it a certain sadness that Mom and Dad are no longer here.

So I packed them up as carefully as possible and headed to the post office, fretting over the precious cargo I was about to send North.

But all went smoothly and they arrived safe and sound - giving me the peace of mind that our family memories will continue on, as well as the freedom to embrace new traditions that are a better fit for me now.

How about you?

Do you have traditions conundrums you’d like to share?

Please leave a comment or send me a note.

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Why Imperfect Family Caregiving Is Such a Treasure

Sue Montgomery — Fri, 26 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

As I was growing up, my mom and dad certainly wanted me to do well.

They gave me incredible support and encouragement, always reminding me they were proud of me.

However, within that context, they emphasized it wasn’t the outcome that mattered most, but the effort I applied.

“Sue, it’s not whether you succeed that matters to us,” they’d say. “Just that you give your best effort in whatever you do.”

Maybe that’s not an exact quote, but it’s pretty close.

That sentiment supported my self-esteem then and helped to form the foundation of my life in the years after.

Viewing family caregiving through a similar lens

I can’t begin to count how many people I’ve provided care for throughout my life, and much of that has been as a professional caregiver within various nursing roles.

In that context, the caregiver is usually more polished and mostly rested, supported by a team of colleagues, and armed with the experience and expertise needed to get the job done.

Compare that to the family caregiver who is frequently exhausted, overwhelmed by the need to handle so much on their own, and perhaps unsure about what in the world they should expect or do next.

It may seem the former would be preferable to the latter.

But a family caregiver has the secret ingredients no one else can provide: the deep love and commitment needed to try.

The who and where of family caregiving

When I refer to family caregivers, I’m not just talking about those related by biology or marriage, though the majority are. But anyone who cares enough to step up to the plate to help a loved one in need.

I’m also not referring strictly to caregivers who care for a loved one at home. Doing so isn’t always possible and having a loved one reside in a facility setting of some type may be the best option.

The family caregiver in this context is also often exhausted and overwhelmed by the ongoing advocacy needed to ensure a loved one is safe, enjoys the best possible quality of life, and receives the excellent and compassionate care they deserve.

Finding treasure within the imperfections

So what does my parents’ philosophy about effort and achievement have to do with family caregiving?

You’ve likely guessed it by now.

If you’re a family caregiver in any context, it’s not whether you do things “perfectly” that matters, but that you care enough to wade into the challenges despite your “imperfect” efforts and give it your best to try.

To me, that speaks volumes about love.

I bet it does to your loved one, too.

And if you’re a former and current family caregiver like me, beware the hazards of engaging in retrospective critique.

It’s common (and typically not helpful) to look back and think we should’ve done this or that differently when it comes to a loved one’s care, which is easy to do when you’re not in the midst of it.

Who you are today in your more rested and objective state is not who you were then when you were exhausted, overwhelmed by challenges, and just doing your best.

What matters most is that you loved enough to try.

Mom and me

What a wonderful journey Mom and I had together!

In my case, I was blessed that my mom always appreciated my efforts, even if they were pretty imperfect at times.

That’s because she knew how much I loved her, and I knew how much she loved me.

Which is what mattered most to us both.

Family caregiving is a journey that you and your loved one travel together.

Your love for each other is a treasure to cherish as you accept the imperfections that are just part of the trip.

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16 Disability Travel Tips to Help Make Your Holiday Trip a Success

Sue Montgomery — Mon, 22 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

For many, disability travel can be a challenge at any time of the year. This may be especially true during the holidays, when so many are hitting the proverbial road in one way or another to see family and friends.

For those living with some type of disability—as well as their caregivers—embarking on such a trip can present some unique challenges.

Fortunately, there are certain tips you can follow to help make your holiday trip a success.

Types of disabilities

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC), common functional disability types include:

Mobility—defined as “serious difficult walking or climbing stairs”
Cognition—defined as “serious difficult concentrating, remembering, or making decisions”
Independent living—defined as “difficulty doing errands alone, such as visiting a doctor’s office or shopping”
Vision—defined as “blind or serious difficulty seeing, even when wearing glasses”
Self-care—defined as difficulty dressing or bathing

Functional disabilities like these are often related to one or more health conditions that may include things like:

Neurological diseases—including conditions involving the brain and nervous system
Cardiovascular diseases—including congestive heart failure and stroke.
Lung diseases—including chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and other respiratory conditions
Digestive diseases—including those which require special feeding accommodations or supplies, such as those for an ostomy.
Genitourinary diseases—which may require special treatments and supplies, such as catheters
Endocrine diseases—which require special supplies for monitoring and treatment
Musculoskeletal disorders—including arthritis or other problems with the joints and spine that may affect mobility and function
Cancer—of any body system that may create an array of needs
Various types of injuries—that may impact mobility, function, and require special care

The need for planning

Having one or more conditions such as these means trying to travel can be complicated. Consider just a few of the issues that might come up:

Those on oxygen may be limited by the type of system they’re using and the necessary supply of tanks that will be needed to see them through a trip.
Those who have mobility issues and rely on assistive devices—such as walkers, wheelchairs, and motorized scooters—may have difficulty transporting their equipment or determining whether they’ll be able to access the experiences they’d like to enjoy during the trip ahead.
Those who have ostomies, wounds, feeding tubes, peritoneal dialysis, or other conditions for which supplies may be needed must ensure they’ll have everything they’ll need along the way.
Those on hemodialysis are limited by the need for regular treatments every week, and must have the ability to access care when away from home.
Those who are enrolled in hospice must make special arrangements to access care if the need arises.

However, with the right type of planning and support, you can still enjoy traveling during the holidays.

16 tips for better disability travel

Although everyone’s needs are different, keeping the following general tips and recommendations in mind will give you a better chance of enjoying your trip—and remaining safe and healthy as you do.

Before you go

1. Talk to your doctor and healthcare team. Make sure everyone knows of your plans to make sure you’re physically able to make the trip and to get their help in coordinating specific needs.

2. Start planning well in advance to give yourself the time you need to cover all the details. Add some flexibility into your travel plans in case you need extra time to rest.

3. Research your stops along the way and your destination. Understand what type of healthcare will be available and how to access it if you need it. Find out about accessibility and whether the equipment you need will work in terms of doorways, floorplans, storage, and power supply.

4. Research your mode of travel and understand policies that may affect you.

5. Gather essential health information and organize it into a system that’s easy to access, such as a health information notebook. Make sure you have the essentials, such as health history; medication lists; advance directives; and emergency contact information for your healthcare surrogate, physician(s), and other members of your healthcare team.

6. Ensure that you have all of your medications in ample supply and leave them in their original bottles with the labels intact. This applies to both over-the-counter medications and prescriptions.

7. Ensure that you have all medical supplies that you’ll need while away.

8. Pack extras of essentials, in case of unplanned situations.

9. Understand your insurance coverage and how care will be paid for if you require it while traveling.

10. Ensure that your traveling companion(s) have all the information they need to support you during the trip.

While enroute and at your destination

11. Be aware of being out of your routine. This is especially true for medications, treatments, diet, and exercise. It’s easy to get off schedule with medications and treatments when you’re distracted by all the fun you’re having. If you have dietary restrictions, such as salt and fluids, be careful about what you eat and drink so you don’t overdo. If you have a regular exercise routine that helps keep you mobile, try to stick to it as much as possible.

12. Be aware of specific issues that may impact your specific condition—such as avoiding car exhaust if you have lung disease.

13. Rest as needed. Remember that you’ll likely be doing much more than your body is accustomed to, so take frequent breaks and make use of that extra time you allotted. Don’t push yourself into getting sick just to maintain your schedule or fulfill the expectations of others.

When you return home

14. Check in with your doctor and healthcare team to let them know you’re back. If anything changed regarding your health while you were gone, provide them with an update to receive guidance about further care.

15. Check your medications and supplies and order anything that may be running low.

16. Rest, and let someone else do the unpacking for you.

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Holiday Grief. The First Year-and Sometimes Every Year-Is Hard.

Sue Montgomery — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

The first-year-of-everything without a loved one is hard, and that can be especially true during the holidays.

After my mom died in 2015, I had a tough time. Much tougher than I’d anticipated.

And the first Christmas? I couldn’t face a single decoration.

When the rug is pulled out

Mom and I had talked a lot about death and dying. She was tired of dealing with her physical challenges and eager to go Home to her Savior. We were both blessed to get to do everything the way we’d hoped at the end of her life. She called the shots, and I was able to take care of her.

But after she was gone, I was lost. And not nearly as prepared as I’d thought I’d be.

I remember standing at the kitchen counter one day - sobbing - as I tried to explain to my husband that the rug-of-everything had been pulled out from under me.

That Mom had been such a foundation in my life for all of my life and now that foundation was gone.

Yes, I prayed.

Yes, I knew that God had me.

Yes, I knew Mom was in a “better place.”

Yes, I knew I’d see her again someday.

But nothing could make up for the fact that I missed her so.

My heart was broken in the missing. Somedays it still is.

Grief changes us

When I first heard the opening lyrics to “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again,” sung by Danny Gokey, I wept.

Indeed, I sometimes felt as if I’d never get back to my former me.

And you know what? I won’t.

Because grief changes us. It’s not just a series of stages we go through, but something that transforms us forever. Which is why I also identified with both the reality and hope he offers in the chorus.

Peace within the pain

You may be familiar with the story of Horatio Spafford—whose four young daughters drowned when their ship collided with another vessel.

While I can’t imagine the depth of his loss, I also find it incredibly moving that Spafford could somehow embrace a sense of peace in the midst of it.

A peace that could only have come from God.

It’s how he was able to pen the lyrics to this familiar hymn:

“When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll,

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Although Spafford wrote that song over a century ago, the sentiments are the same as Gokey’s contemporary tune - and both arrive at the same conclusion: that even-and-especially in the midst of great pain … pain so deep that we can’t explain it … so personal that no one else can understand it …

God is there.

In the midst of it.

With us.

Deeper intimacy with God

I don’t know about you and your pain, but I do know about me and mine.

And in its midst, I’ve found a deeper intimacy with God that I likely wouldn’t have found without it.

If you’re aching because a loved one is no longer with you this holiday season, please know that I’ll be praying for you.

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